I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
