You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
