Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize