i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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