see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize