That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
