Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
