Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
