yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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