so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
