God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
