I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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