a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
