so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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