Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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