I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
