just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
