low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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