I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
