I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
