do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
