I don't think brook has ever known best
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
