Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
