I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
