yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
