I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
