I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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