Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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