last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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