I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
