i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
