so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
