census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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