what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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