I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
