Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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