so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
