Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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