He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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