Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
