do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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