have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
