either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize