There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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