Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
