my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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