So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize