just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
