it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
