my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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