So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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