I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
