from now on my penis is your penis
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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