Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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