I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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