I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
