thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
