there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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