Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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