I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
