I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
