dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
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