I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
